Sunday, 12 December 2010

When I'm Bored I Bake

I am bored! right now I have never felt so un-fulfilled with my life! My desire to be doing something creative is starting to grate at me. All I do is work, go home, sleep, eat, wash and go back to work! I am so tired that on my days off I don't want to leave the house!

I feel like I should be someone else because this is not my life, I envy everyone who looks like they are enjoying life the way it was meant! Don't get me wrong I am fortunate to have the life I live, I know others are a lot worse off than me. I have great friends and family who love and support me...BUT...I spend 70% of my time at work doing a job that I don't really enjoy but I do it because it pays well enough not to be living from hand to mouth! I NEED MORE! A co-worker said to me as I was leaving for a break that I need to chill out as I had at least another 25 yrs to go! That got me thinking, 25 yrs of this shit? I think I might slit my wrists with a spoon! Either I start playing the lottery or I need to start seriously thinking about what I wanna do with my life, where do I wanna be in 25 yrs time? I know for sure I don't want to be in the same place getting yelled at by irate customers!
Realistically what can I do that is gonna pay me as much? I don't have a degree, and these days there is not much you can do without one, plus it has to be something I enjoy more to the point! Everything is so expensive, when your an adult its costly to decide that you want a new way of life.

I've been looking up courses on jewellery making, I love statement jewellery and I would love to create my own. When I was about 15 I used to make rings out of wooden beads and I remember being asked to make a selection to sell on a stall at a fair but because I was 15 I decided that it was too much work and declined (stupid me) anyway I would love to get into that again.
 I just need to be doing something creative even if I am stuck in my job for another 25 yrs at least I would have done something that made me feel happy and fulfilled! Who knows I could be really successful and pack in my day job?! hahaha one step at a time eh!

In the meantime my boredom has turned me into a Delia Smith, baking chocolate cakes like they have been going out of fashion! Not a good hobby to take up when your trying to cut back on the eating! To be fair the last cake I made I didn't eat one slice!

Wednesday, 8 December 2010

A Weighty Issue

I'm starting to notice a pattern here, every time I'm on that all important red flag month I start to re-evaluate myself. I can't really blame the time of the month on my mood, it started with a shopping trip to the west end a couple of days ago!

I had received an early Christmas present from my brother in the shape of an £80 gift card for Evans and Dorothy Perkins. I've been desperate for a new winter coat as mine is on the way out. So I dragged my T.F.B with me. What should of been a great shopping day turned into the shopping day from hell! I was almost skipping to Evans in excitement, I'd been cruising the websites for days preparing myself for this moment!
I started off in Dorothy Perkins, I realised I had come too late for coats because most of the coats were out of stock, another issue was sizing. Either London is getting fatter or they just don't stock enough larger sizes.  I didn't come across one coat in the size 20/22. I wasn't overly upset as I know what to expect when I go in store, I usually prefer to shop DP online, to be honest I would not of had an issue if they excepted gift cards as online payment!
I thought never mind I've got Evans, so I hurried my ass to the flagship store. As I raided the rails I realised that I wasn't going home with a coat today. I was looking for a black coat, a coat that reaches your knee or at least mid thigh! 90% of Evans winter coats reach your bum, that to me does not suffice as a winter coat. the only coats I saw that did meet the criteria of a winter coat were overly formal or not my taste, I was looking for an everyday coat i could wear to work.
the only coat I thought seriously about about was the grey hanky hem coat

Exhibit A

Normally I pick coats a size up to my actual dress size, so I picked up a size 22 to try on and O.M.G I just about got my arms in! Now I know usually Evans sizing is good, its usually spacious so immediately I was like W.T.F is going on here!? I tried on another style coat and again the same thing. Reluctantly I picked up a size 24 which is something I've never had to do and it fit, and I mean it FIT, it wasn't a little big! So I went looking for a size 24 in the grey coat and they were out of stock!! So I'm already pissed off cause I'm now wearing a size 24 and even more pissed because its out of stock!!

I walked out of Evans adamant that it wasn't me it was them, even when my T.F.B suggested maybe I put on weight I almost took her head off in denial. My argument being I had just ordered a mac from Simply Be in a size 22 and had to send It back because it was big!
Its been a couple of days since, and during that time I ordered a pair of slim leg jeans from Simply Be in a size 20, I had to send it back because it was a little on the small side, I have re-ordered them in a size 22!

This is the biggest I've been in a long time maybe since I was in school. A year after I left school I had dropped to a size 16. Since then I've moved up the scale! So instead of hating myself for it I've decided to gain control over my body.

its not about losing soo much weight so that I'm a size 0, that's not me and to be honest I love food too damn much! What its about is feeling healthy, feeling comfortable in MY skin!  I felt the most comfortable at size 16. So that's my goal after Xmas is over, my goal is to change my relationship with food, to feel fit and be more active so that I'm not out of breath walking 5 mins up the road, its time to stop taking my body for granted!
This road will be long and hard and permanent so in the meantime I'm going to research what will be the best way for me to achieve this, everyone's body is different and I know what works for some won't work for me. I am open to suggestions but until then I  will keep you posted!

Monday, 6 December 2010

The Fear of Red Lipstick

Is it just me that is unsure of the colour red on my lips? Now I have never been one for bold colour on my lips, I have always been a tinted gloss kind of girl! To be honest I was just afraid of anything with too much colour on my lips because I used to think it would give me Jay Z lips! I was young and foolish then and now I have grown to love the fullness of my lips!
So last year Christmas I bought my first red from Mac, I don't have a picture of it but it was called Brave Red, the sales assistant told me to go for it but I should have known better than to trust a sales assistant for an honest opinion lol  I wore it a couple of times I got mixed reactions more bad than good to be honest, the lipstick was definitely too bright red for my skin tone. I have now realised that it's all about the skin tone and as a woman of colour I have to be careful of how red I go! ( of course this is just my view on the matter)

So I think I have it sussed, I know red's with an orange tint work well on my lips and deeper reds are good for me too! Here are 3 different shades one of them is a gloss.


This lipstick is not too strong in colour and I have to really apply this to get it looking more vibrant, I was unsure about it at first but I love it now!


I tried this on in the shop and wore it straight away, I like the matte finish to it and its richness in colour, after the disaster that was Brave Red I found this one with no help from a sales assistant might I add!


This is the gloss to end all glosses lol its so full of colour and has this glass like effect when it goes on. I debated about this one, I went home slept on it and then decided I needed it in my life! lol

Wednesday, 24 November 2010

I'm Addicted To Looklet

Hey guys, hope everyone is having a good week so far! I am just enjoying my last few hours of freedom before i'm back on the job!
I was trying to take some pics of my outfit yesterday since I actually left the house but it did'nt go very well, I now know I can't take pics of myself I need help or a tripod! usually I get my flatmate to take it but she wasn't available, so sorry to say no new pics!

I'm still trying out the online dating, but not much luck with that! I just cancelled my Dating Direct account because I found it a waste of money! All these websites require you to pay just so your able to browse or contact anyone! I signed up for one month because they had a special offer, they charged me £1.00 and then afterwards they would charge me as normal, I thought why not £1.00 won't break the bank.  All I have to say is that particular site is not for me, good luck to anyone who finds or has found someone through Dating Direct, my experience was the guys were either too old, or not my type or just plain strange! Its quite soul destroying looking and looking and not seeing anyone! Well I say on to the next one! lol

So while cruising the blogosphere, Delmy of Fashion Bananas did a post on some looks she created on Looklet, curiosity got the better of me and I clicked on the link and since then I have been on that site non stop! Its a fashionista's dream! I enjoy simulated games like The sims (I was addicted to that too) Looklet is along those same line, just imagine you had all the clothes in the world, think of all the endless looks you can create!
You get a blank canvas (a model of your choice) you dress them from head to toe from bras to bags! You even get to change the scenery and add effects to the finished product here are some looks I created

So go get creative people, I know I am! xoxo

Thursday, 18 November 2010

Shhhhh The Clothes Have Spoken!

I think I'll let the pictures speak for themselves! For now I will have to admire these beauties from afar, the purse strings are closed tight until the new year! *sniff sniff*
P.s. Are the Asos Curve models looking smaller in size? I'm finding it hard to decide whether some of the outfits will do my body justice, or is it just me?

Wednesday, 17 November 2010

Evans Padded Wedge Boots

 Just a quick post to say I LOVE these boots!! I just received mine yesterday, and they are fabulous.  I have been in desperate need for a pair of black boots and I just haven't come across any I really liked until one day I passed my local Evans store and in the shop window they sang to me the " buy me" song, of course I felt it only right that I do as the boot asked!

They are soo comfy, and what I really love about them is the padding, it reminds me of a coat I once owned! I feel confident that they won't cripple my feet because I usually only wear heels when I go out on the town and even then I still carry my flats, I live in my Adidas most days of the week. Now I can walk a little taller in comfort!
I haven't worn them yet because I am not due a day of work until next week *sigh*I know these will be my go to boots this winter!

p.s. The pictures do not do them justice, have some vision people! They have a special offer online get them for £30 instead of £49.50

Sunday, 14 November 2010

Bling Bling and Blah Blah

This is bad, my first post for November, tut tut! I won't bother with excuses its just life!
One thing happened during my absence, I'm now a qualified First Aider, whoop whoop! lol I did the course for work, I get a little extra money so that's good cause I got stuff to buy!
I've had to reign in on the spending which has been torture. I did get my boots from Asos which are supa dupa comfy

I also bought some bling bling shoes and a clutch from Next, the only thing is the shoes are slightly too big but where there is a will there is a way and at £9 I couldn't let them go!
I picked up this top from H&M, I don't normally like big graphics or faces on my clothes but there's something about the top that kept calling me, the face is abstract so I can live with it.

Here's a little something my T.F.B (Top Flight Bredrin) bought me from Primarni (Primark to everyone one else) Its a beautiful brotch!

In other news I've decided to go back to online dating, I've had no luck in the past but I'm no quitter! I'm in a different zone, I feel different about what I want and I'm ready to find my Mr Right! Lately I've been fantasizing more than usual, its always the same, meeting Mr Right and all the perfection that comes with it, getting married, the house e.t.c. I'm 28 and I'm tired of being alone! All I've ever wanted was to be in a relationship that had love, romance blah blah blah!
I hate feeling like I will never meet someone I like. My friends bounce from one relationship to another with ease, sometimes I think it's because I'm fat and that makes me undesirable? I know that's my issues right there! I know I'm a good woman and whoever gets me will be lucky, my ex found that out too late!!

I know nothing happens before its time so I wait eagerly and patiently and say universe please send me someone who loves me mentally and physically, someone who is romantic, patient, funny, intelligent, caring, considerate, spontaneous, and someone who is beautiful inside and out!! I don't think that's too much to ask?
So until then I will appreciate my friends and family and learn to love myself everyday. 

Friday, 29 October 2010

Its My Desiiiiire!

 Like the song says its my desire to have all you see to the left in my possession! Mwuhaha haaaaa (evil laugh)
Lets keep it real, Christmas is fast approaching and I have presents to buy!(damn those friends and family grrrrrr) I am gonna try to be really good and budget this month, only getting what I really need instead of what I really want, and right now that's the boots!

I have been buying a lot of "night out" clothing of late and since my days of going to the club are numbered I realise that I am in need of a lot of smart casual clothing for the winter. I'm finding it hard to transition out of the summer because I feel ill prepared for this winter! I've been too caught up in the fashion instead of the practicality of it all!  Anyway when you spend most of your days in uniform you forget about the casual days!

Apart from my urges to spend money I don't have, it has been a pretty slow week! After being off work for a few days its always harder when you have to go back! I need to start playing the Euro millions! If I won the lottery the first thing I would do is take all my friends on a holiday! The lord knows I need a break! What's the first thing you would do if you won the lottery?

Tweed Jacket-New Look
Blouse-New Look

Friday, 22 October 2010

OOTD-Silky Print Skirt

This week has been one of reflection, i don' t know if my pms is coming early or what but i have been feeling a little sorry for myself, boo hooo me! 
So I have decided to lay off on the clubs for the rest of the year! I talk a good talk so lets see how it goes one weekend at a time eh!
I am on the hunt for potential husband material, everyone is getting engaged or married except ME! lol I am in need of some good romance in my life, I'm tired of reading the romance novels and watching the movies!

So here is an outfit i put together, i would of worn it to the club but that's not gonna happen, maybe it can be an outfit for drinks or dinner with some tights....

Skirt-Simply Be
Shoes-Dorothy Perkins

Wednesday, 20 October 2010

OOTD-Zig Zag Top

I wanted to do another outfit post as I clearly don't do enough! I got this top last week from the sale at Dorothy Perkins. I liked it when it was full price but I didn't wanna pay the money for it so I didn't bother! I'm glad now because at £17 I felt it was worthy!

Top has its own belt but to make it a little more interesting I put it with a black leather look belt that originally came part of a dress, I don't even remember what happened to that dress but I still have the belt which has come in handy many times!

Everything I am wearing is from Dorothy Perkins, what do you think?

Monday, 18 October 2010

My Weekend and OOTD-Tesco Bandeau Skirt

Hey everyone, I've been slacking in the post department only because i have been working hard and when you have to be up at 3am everyday i am tired! i just didn't have the energy! Who knew it took so much energy to keep up with your blog, i now have a new found respect to all bloggers!

Anyway i had the weekend off and it was eventful but once again i left the house without the camera so i didn't get the pics! : ( I have to start getting in the habit of taking my camera everywhere i go!

Thursday night i went to the theatre for the first time time to see Avenue Q. It was enjoyable and it made me laugh especially the number "everyone's a little bit racist" yes very risky! I ended the night with some ice cream at the Haagan Daaz Cafe, there's something about ice cream in the winter that i like!

Friday night was down to china town for some bad Chinese, i ordered a beef dish and I'm still not sure it was beef i was eating! After we had a few cheap drinks at the Slug and Lettuce and was served drinks by the yummiest bartender ever! i will surely be going back just for him! We got talking to a couple of guys that made me feel super old as they were only 21! Then we headed to Metra. It was not as good as the last time, i think maybe too much thought had gone into it this time making it an average night!

Saturday night i went back to my favourite place Moonlighting. music was good but i just wasn't feeling the vibes! i think my going out bug has died! Its just the same old guys or shall i say beasts with no manners its just one big meat market! I wanna go out and meet my potential husband and i know that's not gonna happen there! i think i just want familiarity and i wanna feel comfortable not conscious of myself, its all so complicated!

Anyway onto better things! I thought i would do a quick outfit post with my new skirt from Tesco which was only £16, bargain! I love it, because the material is thick it hides a multitude of sins! The only thing is the shade of pink is darker than on the website.

I teamed it with my cage shoulder top from Asos and my Dorothy Perkin shoes. I look a little bit messy but i just could not be that bothered lol I give the skirt a thumbs up! What do you think?

Saturday, 2 October 2010

Tesco's is Stepping Up

I am keeping away from the camera due to bad hair days! As soon as i get my hair did i will have a lot of new outfits to update you with one of them being my marshall ward top!
In the meantime i have been pleasantly surprised by Tesco. I always knew they had their clothes range F&F but it never really jumped out at me so i dismissed it! My house mate came home with a black blazer and when she said it was from Tesco i thought let me check it out!
They have a couture range which is quiet pricey, definitely out of my price range! The normal F&F range is very affordable and chic and stylish here are a few of my favourite things, what do you think?

Friday, 1 October 2010

Bad Dates PT 2 Dinner and a Sex Spa

This has to be the mother of all bad dates! When is it ever good to take a first date to a sex spa? I mean who knew these places even existed? sure as hell not me or am i just being naive?This is a long one people but the story goes......

His name is Rodney, another one i met while working. He stopped to talk to me as he was leaving the station, he asked for my number i thought why not, he wasn't Britain's next top model but i liked that he was tall, dark, and broad, plus he had a cheeky chappy vibe going on. we talked on the phone a couple of times and i found out that he worked in a school for troubled teens and in his spare time he sung in a band! So far so good i thought being as i love music and used to sing myself back in the day i thought we had a few things in common so we arranged to meet up.

We met up west and had dinner at my favourite Caribbean restaurant Mr Jerks ( i recommend you go there for the best stew chicken and rice and peas. Its located on Wardour Street off Oxford Street) Now i feel its important that i state i dressed very conservatively, i wore a top which was not showing an ounce of cleavage and i wore a long skirt i looked like a teacher, it wasn't your typical date wear! YES i dressed this way on purpose only because he made such a big deal about how sexy i looked in my uniform and that all i needed to do was wear some heels with it and i was ready for the club! lol he's got jokes! Anyway with that in mind we had a nice dinner we talked about music and family e.t.c.
I'm feeling like I'm having a good time and in my head I'm already contemplating a second date! Its about 8:30pm when he takes care of the bill, he asked me what i wanted to do next, i have no idea where to go so i say "i don't know what do you wanna do?" he then says that he likes to do different things, be spontaneous. I'm thinking that's cool with me i like different! he then says he knows a health spa in Tottenham Court Rd which do really good massages, he even went on to describe a massage he gets because he likes to box! Now getting a massage is not something i was in the mood to do so i was like "I don't know about a massage, sounds good but i don't really want one" i didn't wanna go to a loud bar because i didn't think loud music and noise was the best place to go to have a conversation so i asked if this "health" spa had a bar, he said yes then i suggested we go there as it would probably be a lot quieter.

We take some back streets and before you know it we're outside Tottenham Court Rd station, he stops and i say where are we going? He then pulls me into the station and says that he knows another spa we could go to that's better! (now maybe a normal person might have said HELL NO see you later but not this girl!) he refuses to tell me where we are going on the train until we get off and we are in Kentish Town. I've never been to this area before so i might as well be a tourist! we walk about 5mins from the station then he tells me to wait here he's just gonna take a look inside to see how busy it is. he walks off and i wait and i think to myself why did he leave me so far away from this spa to go check if its busy, to this day i don't even know what the outside of that spa looked like! He returns 5mins later and steers me back to the station, i ask whats wrong? he says its too full and he doesn't want me to feel uncomfortable! i say "why would i feel uncomfortable?" he says nothing! (At this point I'm starting to feel irritable because i wore brand new shoes i bought that day and i didn't plan to do the walking i was doing, my feet were starting to talk!)

We get back to the station then he says he knows another place, i say where is this one? he says "Ilford" now i suggest that we forget about the spa and lets just go anywhere and just have a drink because its getting late and its turning into a mission! He's insistent that we go to Ilford and says that it wont take long to get to blah blah blah (now maybe a normal person might have said HELL NO see you later but not this girl!) We finally get to Ilford I'm getting tired now he says we'll take a cab, i say OK ( my feet were happy at this point!) we get this cab and after 10mins and we still haven't reached this "health" spa yet, i start to think to myself maybe this was not such a good idea, i don't even think we're in Ilford anymore!

The cab stops in what seems like the middle of nowhere and when i look out the window my heart sinks when i see this place which looks like a hut with no windows called 'Paradise Spa'. They buzz us in and I'm greeted by a blond lady in her 40's. He hands her some money and she hands him some locker keys and we go through! everything in this place is strange for a legitimate "health" spa, i don't see anyone, all i see is corridor then door! we walk into a locker room and i sit on the bench as he puts his stuff in one of the lockers! he starts taking off his top and i ask if he plans on getting a massage? he says "no", i say then why are you getting undressed he says "you can't go into the spa with your clothes on" and he points to a big stack of towels. i laugh nervously and say your joking! he says "no", i then start getting high pitched and say "I AM NOT TAKING MY CLOTHES OFF!", he says that its the rules otherwise we can't go in! i say then I'm not going in because there is no way I'm taking my clothes off! by now he is wrapped in a towel. i can't understand why i need to get undressed when all i wanted was a drink! He looks a little annoyed with me at this point and talks to me like I'm the one with the problem lol
He says he will go speak to the lady. When he comes back he says that she said its OK to keep my clothes on but i don't get full access of the spa! I'm thinking all i wanted was a drink anyway!

We go through another door that leads to a corridor then he stops outside another door, when he opens it my jaw hit the floor! The first thing i saw was the double bed then i noticed it was a themed room the tackiest jungle ever it even had plastic toy giraffe's stuck to the walls! Then i saw the sign on the wall above a bin which read "PLEASE THROW CONDOMS AFTER USE!"
The first thing i said was what the fuck is this! he then tried to say this was where they did massages! i then said "don't lie i saw the sign on the wall!" i think i was in shock that i fell into fits of laughter and all i could say was you said we were going to a health spa! he laughed at me (the cheek) and tried to make out that he explained where we were going! of course he was talking shit now and was realising his mis-judgement! He then suggested since we were here now why doesn't he give me a massage (now maybe a normal person might have said HELL NO see you later but not this girl!) i thought to myself what harm can it do, besides i was keeping my clothes on! as he straddled my back to get into the massage i felt something heavy thump on my back! "where's your underpants?" i shrieked he carried on massaging and evidently he was aroused he was grunting on my back so loud i asked " are you OK up there?" he replied "yes, your just so sexy, your like a magazine!" all i could think of was i know what guys do with magazines and i cut that massage short!

I was more than ready to go at this point, i don't know if it was because we were only in the room for a hot minute but the lady must have asked Rodney if there was a problem and he told her that i thought the place was some brothel type establishment! she then felt the need to take me on a mini tour showing me the TV room where the guys watch porn and the steam room and all the other tacky themed rooms all the while trying to convince me it was not what i thought! (crazy hoe!)
I was so happy when my arse was in that cab, happy because i had lived to tell the tale lol He payed for my cab home and asked me to call him when i got in, of course i said i would and the cab drove off into the night!
I learnt a valuable lesson that night! The lesson is there is no such thing as a "health" spa open for business after 9pm at night!

Tuesday, 28 September 2010

You Will Be Mine!








Just been salivating over soo many things right now its ridiculous! pay day needs to hurry up!