Sunday, 12 December 2010

When I'm Bored I Bake

I am bored! right now I have never felt so un-fulfilled with my life! My desire to be doing something creative is starting to grate at me. All I do is work, go home, sleep, eat, wash and go back to work! I am so tired that on my days off I don't want to leave the house!

I feel like I should be someone else because this is not my life, I envy everyone who looks like they are enjoying life the way it was meant! Don't get me wrong I am fortunate to have the life I live, I know others are a lot worse off than me. I have great friends and family who love and support me...BUT...I spend 70% of my time at work doing a job that I don't really enjoy but I do it because it pays well enough not to be living from hand to mouth! I NEED MORE! A co-worker said to me as I was leaving for a break that I need to chill out as I had at least another 25 yrs to go! That got me thinking, 25 yrs of this shit? I think I might slit my wrists with a spoon! Either I start playing the lottery or I need to start seriously thinking about what I wanna do with my life, where do I wanna be in 25 yrs time? I know for sure I don't want to be in the same place getting yelled at by irate customers!
Realistically what can I do that is gonna pay me as much? I don't have a degree, and these days there is not much you can do without one, plus it has to be something I enjoy more to the point! Everything is so expensive, when your an adult its costly to decide that you want a new way of life.

I've been looking up courses on jewellery making, I love statement jewellery and I would love to create my own. When I was about 15 I used to make rings out of wooden beads and I remember being asked to make a selection to sell on a stall at a fair but because I was 15 I decided that it was too much work and declined (stupid me) anyway I would love to get into that again.
 I just need to be doing something creative even if I am stuck in my job for another 25 yrs at least I would have done something that made me feel happy and fulfilled! Who knows I could be really successful and pack in my day job?! hahaha one step at a time eh!

In the meantime my boredom has turned me into a Delia Smith, baking chocolate cakes like they have been going out of fashion! Not a good hobby to take up when your trying to cut back on the eating! To be fair the last cake I made I didn't eat one slice!

Wednesday, 8 December 2010

A Weighty Issue

I'm starting to notice a pattern here, every time I'm on that all important red flag month I start to re-evaluate myself. I can't really blame the time of the month on my mood, it started with a shopping trip to the west end a couple of days ago!

I had received an early Christmas present from my brother in the shape of an £80 gift card for Evans and Dorothy Perkins. I've been desperate for a new winter coat as mine is on the way out. So I dragged my T.F.B with me. What should of been a great shopping day turned into the shopping day from hell! I was almost skipping to Evans in excitement, I'd been cruising the websites for days preparing myself for this moment!
I started off in Dorothy Perkins, I realised I had come too late for coats because most of the coats were out of stock, another issue was sizing. Either London is getting fatter or they just don't stock enough larger sizes.  I didn't come across one coat in the size 20/22. I wasn't overly upset as I know what to expect when I go in store, I usually prefer to shop DP online, to be honest I would not of had an issue if they excepted gift cards as online payment!
I thought never mind I've got Evans, so I hurried my ass to the flagship store. As I raided the rails I realised that I wasn't going home with a coat today. I was looking for a black coat, a coat that reaches your knee or at least mid thigh! 90% of Evans winter coats reach your bum, that to me does not suffice as a winter coat. the only coats I saw that did meet the criteria of a winter coat were overly formal or not my taste, I was looking for an everyday coat i could wear to work.
the only coat I thought seriously about about was the grey hanky hem coat

Exhibit A

Normally I pick coats a size up to my actual dress size, so I picked up a size 22 to try on and O.M.G I just about got my arms in! Now I know usually Evans sizing is good, its usually spacious so immediately I was like W.T.F is going on here!? I tried on another style coat and again the same thing. Reluctantly I picked up a size 24 which is something I've never had to do and it fit, and I mean it FIT, it wasn't a little big! So I went looking for a size 24 in the grey coat and they were out of stock!! So I'm already pissed off cause I'm now wearing a size 24 and even more pissed because its out of stock!!

I walked out of Evans adamant that it wasn't me it was them, even when my T.F.B suggested maybe I put on weight I almost took her head off in denial. My argument being I had just ordered a mac from Simply Be in a size 22 and had to send It back because it was big!
Its been a couple of days since, and during that time I ordered a pair of slim leg jeans from Simply Be in a size 20, I had to send it back because it was a little on the small side, I have re-ordered them in a size 22!

This is the biggest I've been in a long time maybe since I was in school. A year after I left school I had dropped to a size 16. Since then I've moved up the scale! So instead of hating myself for it I've decided to gain control over my body.

its not about losing soo much weight so that I'm a size 0, that's not me and to be honest I love food too damn much! What its about is feeling healthy, feeling comfortable in MY skin!  I felt the most comfortable at size 16. So that's my goal after Xmas is over, my goal is to change my relationship with food, to feel fit and be more active so that I'm not out of breath walking 5 mins up the road, its time to stop taking my body for granted!
This road will be long and hard and permanent so in the meantime I'm going to research what will be the best way for me to achieve this, everyone's body is different and I know what works for some won't work for me. I am open to suggestions but until then I  will keep you posted!

Monday, 6 December 2010

The Fear of Red Lipstick

Is it just me that is unsure of the colour red on my lips? Now I have never been one for bold colour on my lips, I have always been a tinted gloss kind of girl! To be honest I was just afraid of anything with too much colour on my lips because I used to think it would give me Jay Z lips! I was young and foolish then and now I have grown to love the fullness of my lips!
So last year Christmas I bought my first red from Mac, I don't have a picture of it but it was called Brave Red, the sales assistant told me to go for it but I should have known better than to trust a sales assistant for an honest opinion lol  I wore it a couple of times I got mixed reactions more bad than good to be honest, the lipstick was definitely too bright red for my skin tone. I have now realised that it's all about the skin tone and as a woman of colour I have to be careful of how red I go! ( of course this is just my view on the matter)

So I think I have it sussed, I know red's with an orange tint work well on my lips and deeper reds are good for me too! Here are 3 different shades one of them is a gloss.


This lipstick is not too strong in colour and I have to really apply this to get it looking more vibrant, I was unsure about it at first but I love it now!


I tried this on in the shop and wore it straight away, I like the matte finish to it and its richness in colour, after the disaster that was Brave Red I found this one with no help from a sales assistant might I add!


This is the gloss to end all glosses lol its so full of colour and has this glass like effect when it goes on. I debated about this one, I went home slept on it and then decided I needed it in my life! lol