Saturday, 5 January 2013

The Scales Don't Lie

So in preparation for my detox I had to dust off the scales and do a weigh in.  Let me tell you, me and the scales are not friends! When I looked down at the numbers it was like everything started going in slow motion, I will reveal the numbers to you as I said before its all about honesty in 2013.
So as I took in the results it occurred to me this is the biggest I have been in my life! 18st10lbs, sad times lol
Anyway I wasn't so depressed about the number as I know I am taking the right steps to achieve the results I want.

Its day 3 of my 21 day detox (my detox is a vegan one, and no white starchy foods and sugar) Its been good eating so many fruit and vegetables, I do miss my chicken. The hardest thing to swallow is water! I absolutely hate it.  Getting 10 a day means regular trips to the toilet which is a good thing.
Going to events during this time is a NO NO! Being around things you want to eat and drink is torture and I think I wouldn't be nice to be around either. I have yet to have the sugar shakes but I know they will come soon!

I am so conscious of what I can and can not eat that I am having nightmares lol Last night I dreamt that I was waiting for a friend for hours, I was hungry and I had a fat breakfast with pancakes and bacon, you know all that good stuff, then I meet up with this friend and its getting late and once again I am hungry, so we spot a Chinese take away and I order some fried rice which I start scoffing down and then all of a sudden I scream and I say "shit! I forgot I was on a detox" I wake up at this point thinking this dream is real and feeling sick to my stomach that I had sabotaged myself, then after about 3 mins I realise it was all a dream!  I thought to myself damn girl you got issues!

Wednesday, 2 January 2013

Time For Change In 2013

Hello everyone, Happy New Year! I can't believe 2012 is a thing of the past already! As the saying goes time waits for no one!

What I love most about the new year is how it invokes change, so since we all survived the "end of the world" lets make those changes we didn't get round to in 2012.
I have never been big on resolutions mainly because I never stick to it, but there is something about 2013 that is stirring feelings of change inside me. Have you ever had an honest conversation with yourself about yourself? Try it, sometimes it can be very educational and other times it can hurt, but the truth always does.

I love the blog world, I love how blogs inspire me, and help me to feel good about myself when society makes me feel the opposite daily.  That was one of the reasons I started this blog, I wanted to be a part of it all. Admittedly I am a lazy blogger (hangs head in shame) but I have a bad relationship with camera's.  I hate taking pictures of myself.  I am that girl in the group that is never satisfied with the shot, the girl who moans about being photographed without my consent, the girl who threatens people if they put my photo on Facebook (YES, no lie!)

So during this deep conversation with myself I realised I don't love myself enough.  I shy away from the camera because I hate what I see when I look at the pictures.  I so wanted to be like girls in the blogs I follow, loving themselves no matter what their body mass, giving the middle finger to society and shouting fat girls rock.  Don't get me wrong these same ladies still and always will inspire me and yes I believe girls rock no matter what size you are! But when it comes to me its a different story.

I am 30 years old and I don't feel happy within myself.  I feel at this point in my life I should be loving myself and enjoying life to the fullest.
Some changes need to be made.  The biggest change being my health! I need to feel healthy, I need to be a lot fitter.  My change for 2013 is my diet.
As from tomorrow I am starting my 3 week detox to cleanse my system and then its healthy eating and exercise. You will see a big change in the content of this blog from now on, yes you will get an odd outfit post but mainly they will be more diary like, documenting my progress and struggles. 

Don't get it twisted I am not trying to lose weight to fit society's view of acceptable, I am doing this for ME, to feel better within myself! If I can't love myself, I can't expect anyone to do it for me.
So if this doesn't sound like something that interests you then I say thank you for reading and being a part of my world, no bad feeling! If you decide to stick around then great! I would love it if you did! I still accept words of encouragement lol

I apologise for this post but I didn't wanna make all these changes without saying anything. 2013 is about being honest, so expect a lot of it!!
Wishing all of my readers a great 2013, may all your dreams come true! Thanks for sticking with my sometimes non-existent blog! XOXO