A Weighty Issue

I'm starting to notice a pattern here, every time I'm on that all important red flag month I start to re-evaluate myself. I can't really blame the time of the month on my mood, it started with a shopping trip to the west end a couple of days ago!

I had received an early Christmas present from my brother in the shape of an £80 gift card for Evans and Dorothy Perkins. I've been desperate for a new winter coat as mine is on the way out. So I dragged my T.F.B with me. What should of been a great shopping day turned into the shopping day from hell! I was almost skipping to Evans in excitement, I'd been cruising the websites for days preparing myself for this moment!
I started off in Dorothy Perkins, I realised I had come too late for coats because most of the coats were out of stock, another issue was sizing. Either London is getting fatter or they just don't stock enough larger sizes.  I didn't come across one coat in the size 20/22. I wasn't overly upset as I know what to expect when I go in store, I usually prefer to shop DP online, to be honest I would not of had an issue if they excepted gift cards as online payment!
I thought never mind I've got Evans, so I hurried my ass to the flagship store. As I raided the rails I realised that I wasn't going home with a coat today. I was looking for a black coat, a coat that reaches your knee or at least mid thigh! 90% of Evans winter coats reach your bum, that to me does not suffice as a winter coat. the only coats I saw that did meet the criteria of a winter coat were overly formal or not my taste, I was looking for an everyday coat i could wear to work.
the only coat I thought seriously about about was the grey hanky hem coat

Exhibit A



Normally I pick coats a size up to my actual dress size, so I picked up a size 22 to try on and O.M.G I just about got my arms in! Now I know usually Evans sizing is good, its usually spacious so immediately I was like W.T.F is going on here!? I tried on another style coat and again the same thing. Reluctantly I picked up a size 24 which is something I've never had to do and it fit, and I mean it FIT, it wasn't a little big! So I went looking for a size 24 in the grey coat and they were out of stock!! So I'm already pissed off cause I'm now wearing a size 24 and even more pissed because its out of stock!!

I walked out of Evans adamant that it wasn't me it was them, even when my T.F.B suggested maybe I put on weight I almost took her head off in denial. My argument being I had just ordered a mac from Simply Be in a size 22 and had to send It back because it was big!
Its been a couple of days since, and during that time I ordered a pair of slim leg jeans from Simply Be in a size 20, I had to send it back because it was a little on the small side, I have re-ordered them in a size 22!

This is the biggest I've been in a long time maybe since I was in school. A year after I left school I had dropped to a size 16. Since then I've moved up the scale! So instead of hating myself for it I've decided to gain control over my body.

its not about losing soo much weight so that I'm a size 0, that's not me and to be honest I love food too damn much! What its about is feeling healthy, feeling comfortable in MY skin!  I felt the most comfortable at size 16. So that's my goal after Xmas is over, my goal is to change my relationship with food, to feel fit and be more active so that I'm not out of breath walking 5 mins up the road, its time to stop taking my body for granted!

This road will be long and hard and permanent so in the meantime I'm going to research what will be the best way for me to achieve this, everyone's body is different and I know what works for some won't work for me. I am open to suggestions but until then I  will keep you posted!